Bible Reading for June 8 – I Corinthians 7:1-16

The Romantic view of human sexuality is basically the mutual pursuit of individual happiness. The challenge, we are told, is to find the perfect person with whom to share your life, someone who will fulfill all your needs and all your fantasies. That’s why most Romantic movies end with a wedding – the quest for the Holy Grail of the perfect soulmate is complete and thus mutual bliss is assured. But if marriage is simply understood as a common pursuit of selfish pleasure, it has no chance of success – mutual lust is a poor substitute for unconditional, self-sacrificial love, and mutual worship is really just another form of idolatry.

Paul has no room for such Romanticism. Instead, in verses 2-5, he points out that there are no perfect people, so there’s no point in searching for a perfect soulmate. The best we can hope for as fallen people in a fallen world is for couples to admit their weakness and need and to help one another avoid sexual sin as they try to live not for themselves but for God’s glory. That’s one reason he says that husbands and wives give themselves to one another in marriage – to help each other avoid temptation.

So, how should couples deal with the inevitable problems that arise when two sinners try to become truly open and intimate with one another? Well, in verses 10-11, Paul alludes to the teaching of Christ Himself, which is found in Mark chapter 10 and Matthew chapter 19. On that occasion, Jesus was speaking to Jewish people, all of whom respected the Bible as authoritative and who looked to the same religious leaders to help them understand it. In such a context of shared authority there is no reason for divorce, as Paul says in verse 10. Two Christians should be able to appeal to the Scriptures and to their elders for help in sorting out their difficulties – as long as their expectations for marriage are realistic instead of Romantic.

But what happens when a believer is married to an unbeliever, a situation in which there is no common frame of reference, no common authority to which to appeal? In verse 15, Paul draws the sad conclusion that there’s no way of stopping an unbeliever from leaving such a mixed marriage. If an unbeliever has become disenchanted and is determined to find another idol to worship, no word from Scripture and no admonition from the elders will hold him or her back. The Christian has to let the unbeliever go.

But this is not to say that if someone comes to Christ he or she should necessarily leave an unbelieving spouse. No, as Paul says in verse 14, there is a sense in which a Christian sanctifies every family in which he or she belongs. Now, this is not to say that we have the power to save anyone else. But we can, by prayer and personal example, begin to shift family dynamics away from the idolatry of the world and toward devotion to God, moving our common habits and practices in a direction that honors God instead of pursuing only selfish pleasure. In this way, we can lead other family members to the Lord.

No, none of this teaching is particularly Romantic. But after 150 years or so of pursuing that elusive illusion, maybe we Americans should give Paul’s ideas and Jesus’ ideas about marriage another look. Maybe the secret to true marital happiness isn’t to worship your spouse but for both of you to worship God.

I Corinthians 7:1-16 (ESV)

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.
7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.
9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband
11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.
13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?