So, how should the Christian life change our relationships with other people? In 3:14, Paul tells us that, as we are joined to Christ by faith, our lives will be marked by true love for one another. But this is not the selfish sort of desire that the Romantics are constantly seeking to gratify. No, just as Christians shift their focus away from themselves and toward God, so we are called to shift our focus away from our desires and toward the needs of other people. Such a focus inevitably draws people together, binding them in perfect harmony (3:14), just as self-focus pulls us apart from one another, as we seek only to please ourselves.

And a focus on God and on others invariably leads to the sort of life Paul describes in verses 12 and 13. For if we are genuinely determined to bless someone else, of course we will be patient with their flaws, and kind with their displays of weakness. Of course we will forgive those who have hurt us and bear with the inconveniences they cause us. In short, true love is expressed not in the passionate desire to get what we want, but in the meek, humble desire that others have what they need.

Now, this sort of humble love is expressed in different ways in different relationships – after all, you don’t love your friends in the same way that you love your spouse or your children. Moreover, husbands and wives meet each other’s needs in different ways as wives respect their husbands and husbands cherish and care for their wives (3:18-19). Children express their love through obedience just as parents express their love through understanding discipline (3:20-21). Slaves (and modern employees) express their love through wholehearted service, just as masters (and modern employers) express their love through fair and just treatment of those who work for them (3:22-4:1).

But all of this love springs from the knowledge that God has chosen to set His love on those for whom Christ died (3:12). And so let us seek to demonstrate Christ’s humble, self-sacrificial, unconditional love for others who have also been made part of His body through faith (3:15). Let us not only learn His Word, allowing it to dwell richly in us, but let us also express Biblical words of love for one another and words of thanks for God (3:16). For isn’t that the best way to do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus (3:17)?

Colossians 3:12-4:1 (ESV)

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.
23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,
24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.