You may recognize verse 49 as a benediction: “The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.” But Laban did not intend for these words to be a blessing. No, they were an expression of the deepest distrust.
In the preceding verses, we learn that Jacob had finally had enough of Laban’s devious ways, and decided to leave for good, taking his wives and children and all that he had, and going back to the Promised Land. But Jacob still hadn’t learned to be honest and forthright. Instead of telling his uncle Laban, who was also his father-in-law, that he was leaving, Jacob and his wives left in secret (31:20). He didn’t even let Laban throw a going-away party for them (31:27-28). Jacob had every right to grow up and to strike out on his own. He didn’t own Laban anything – except respect, and that he refused to give.
Laban soon pursued him, and verse 43 tells us why: Laban just couldn’t get used to the idea of Jacob’s independence. Laban still considered Leah and Rachel and all their children to be part of his own household – he just couldn’t come to terms with the idea that his daughters would ever grow up and move away. As a result, he was also guilty of lack of respect – he refused to treat Jacob as a grown man.
So, it’s no wonder that this mutual lack of respect led to a permanent division within their family. The words we usually use as a blessing contained more than a little of a threat: Laban was asking God to watch over his daughters because he didn’t trust Jacob not to harm them. At the same time, verse 51 made it plain that neither Jacob nor Laban would pass that place again to do harm to each other. The breach in the family was complete, and their lack of trust for one another was enshrined by a heap of stones – they couldn’t even agree what to call it, because they weren’t even speaking the same language anymore!
During this holiday season, similar family troubles often come to a head. Parents can resent that their adult children are making lives of their own, desiring to spend time only with their spouses and children, or needing to visit their spouses’ parents. Adult children, in all the busyness of the season, can forget how much their parents love them and want to be with them. When extended families gather, it is so easy for old wounds to be reopened, for grudges and misunderstandings to flare. Worst of all, some families are so broken that they can’t even sit down together at Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Wouldn’t it be better for all of us to do what Jacob and Laban should have done, to treat one another with love and respect? Then we can release our parents and children, brothers and sisters to God, knowing that He will care for them, even as we trust them to live their own lives and make their own choices. Then, when we have to be absent one from another, it won’t be forever.
Genesis 31:43-50 KJV
43 And Laban answered and said unto Jacob, These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and these cattle are my cattle, and all that thou seest is mine: and what can I do this day unto these my daughters, or unto their children which they have born?
44 Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou; and let it be for a witness between me and thee.
45 And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar.
46 And Jacob said unto his brethren, Gather stones; and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap.
47 And Laban called it Jegarsahadutha: but Jacob called it Galeed.
48 And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day. Therefore was the name of it called Galeed;
49 And Mizpah; for he said, The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.
50 If thou shalt afflict my daughters, or if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters, no man is with us; see, God is witness betwixt me and thee.
