Wives be subject to your husbands? But what if he’s wrong? What if he’s being foolish? Husbands honor your wives? What if she’s being completely unreasonable? How can you understand someone who isn’t making any sense?

Unfortunately, this is all too often the way husbands and wives think about each other. Especially when conflicts arise in marriages, each spouse has a tendency to retreat into isolation. Sometimes things even degenerate into abuse, either physical or emotional.

As we saw yesterday, one of the keys to pursuing true intimacy is to realize that your spouse is in fact just as broken and sinful as you are. That realization helps to deflate conflict, as it cultivates a truly tender heart and a humble mind, as verse 8 says. There’s no reason for two sinners not to be patient with one another when we get our thoughts and feelings twisted up, as we all have a tendency to do. If we know others can be wrong, we know we can too.

So what should we do in these inevitable times of conflict? If husbands are truly humble, instead of tuning out, they’ll double down on trying to understand what their wives are saying and feeling. Instead of being dismissive or abusive, they’ll cherish their wives, giving them honor and reverence, the way you might feel in a museum containing lots of priceless antique china.

And what about wives? If they are truly humble, instead of trying to use their attractiveness as a tool to get their way, they’ll be as honest on the outside as they are on the inside. Instead of condemning their husbands for their lack of feeling, they’ll be gentle and patient with them. Instead of insisting on getting their own way, they’ll respect their husbands, even when they don’t understand what they are saying or doing.

No, to sinners like us, being so open and vulnerable to the other doesn’t make sense. Our natural tendency is to protect ourselves and to try to force others to do what we want. But that’s why marriage is a permanent institution – it’s easier to let your guard down to someone you know is committed to you for life, no matter what happens. It’s only within the safe confines of an indissoluble bond that we can take the risk to let someone else truly get to know us, and thus see ourselves more clearly as well.

I Peter 3:1-9 (ESV)

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
3 Do not let your adorning be external– the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear–
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.
9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.