What is the most important attribute of a husband or wife? Under the spell of Romanticism, our modern society has cast its vote for visual attractiveness. And beauty is important – the Song of Solomon is in the Bible after all, and it is largely made up of two lovers describing each other’s physical charms. Just as Jacob fell for Rachel at first sight (Genesis 29:10, 20), we cannot deny that we are attracted by what we see.
No, the problem with Romanticism is that it substitutes a part of the truth for the whole. For the sad truth is that while a pretty face or a handsome figure has the power to turn heads, it takes more than beauty to build a successful marriage. After all, Samson fell in love at first sight too – with a Philistine girl (Judges 14:1-2) who eventually betrayed him (Judges 14:17). And it was not pretty Rachel who was the ancestor of David and then of Jesus, but Jacob’s unloved wife Leah. As verse 30 of today’s passage warns us, beauty is vain – it is fleeting, and no amount of time in the gym, no amount of hair color or botox or face lifts can halt its inevitable departure.
No, what truly lasts, and what should therefore be of primary importance in picking a spouse, is his or her devotion to the Lord (v. 30) That’s how King Lemuel’s mother described the wife he should seek, but the same thing is also true for any prospective husband – godliness should always trump good looks.
For someone who loves God and who is filled with the Holy Spirit will of course be trustworthy (v. 11). Of course someone who studies God’s Word will be increasingly filled with wisdom, and eager to share God’s truth with others (v. 26). Of course someone who lives according to God’s law of love will work hard for the benefit of his or her family (vv. 15, 27), as well as the needy in the community (v. 20).
Here’s the bottom line: a marriage based on common devotion to Christ will be a blessing not only to the couple themselves but to everyone around them. So, no matter what initially drew you to your spouse (or significant other), if you seek the Lord and His will together, you’ll end up with much more than the fleeting illusion of Romanticism. You’ll find a love that will last forever.
Proverbs 31:10-31 (ESV)
10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
