Obey your parents? If the sexual revolution which came to full flower in the 1960’s led America away from Biblical teaching on sex and marriage, the youth movement of the same period fundamentally transformed the way parents relate to their children. Now we listen to Holden Caulfield and Ferris Bueller, who have taught us that adult attempts to shape children’s character and educate them are pointless, ridiculous or even brutal. As a result, many teens have come to see rebellion as a virtue, and all too many parents and teachers try to be their children’s friends instead of the examples of godly maturity they need.

And what is the inevitable result? Generations of children having children, and leaving them for their parents, grandparents or even great-grandparents to rear. Children becoming addicted to nicotine, alcohol, marijuana, and now electronic devices, while parents wring their hands or even enable their harmful desires. And of course, some teens who run away from home, pursuing the happiness they think freedom will bring, end up as little more than slaves, subjects of human trafficking. Can we imagine that our society will “live long in the land” if we continue to go down this self-destructive path?

So, what’s the answer? It is as simple as it is difficult. First, children must do what their parents say. Now, Paul qualifies this by adding the phrase, “in the Lord.” This means we should not obey commands that go against God’s will. If mama tells you to shoot your baby sister you don’t pull the trigger – you call the cops. Our love for God must always take first place.

But obeying in the Lord does mean children must obey their parents in the same way that Christ obeyed His Heavenly Father – and He went to the cross, in spite of the pain and shame it involved. That means we can’t refuse our parents’ commands just because they don’t make sense or feel good to us – no, as all Christians are called to be subject to one another (Ephesians 5:21), children are specially called to humble themselves in this way.

But parents must also humble themselves before their children by doing the hard work that parenting involves. Parents must not enable their children’s selfish behavior, giving them what they want so they’ll be still and quiet. No, because God has entrusted children to their parents, those parents have a sacred responsibility to teach their children the Word of God and to help them learn to live according to God’s perfect law of love.

Now, this doesn’t mean parents have the right to be cruel – that sort of abuse only serves to harden their children’s hearts. And every disciplinary tool isn’t appropriate for every child. But neither can discipline be neglected – for that is just as harmful to children. No, the whole point of parenting is not to make children obey, or to make them all behave the same way, but to help each child develop in a godly way, realizing his or her full potential as a servant of God and of other people.

But let’s face it – parenting (and teaching) is a hard enough job to do without society encouraging children to resist at every step of the way. Godly discipline simply works best when disciples are willing. So maybe we all need to stop laughing at Ferris Bueller and instead get busy putting the true needs of our parents and children first – before it’s too late.

Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV)

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.